A Childhood Dream: Return to Africa

When Savannah travels to Tanzania with AWExpeditions, the sight of Kilimanjaro may very well feel like an old familiar friend. Savannah lived in Kenya when she was eleven years old, across the Tanzanian border from Kilimanjaro’s proud snow-capped summit. Returning to Africa and attempting to summit Kilimanjaro will hold special meaning for this young woman - read on to get to know Savannah and learn why she is one of AWE’s four Summit Scholarship recipients in 2020.

Savannah Cuthbertson, 24, Cedar City (Utah)

AWE: What do you do for work/school?  

I have been working as a lead guide for a wilderness therapy company for the last few years. I took a break for some classes (I am taking prerequisites to apply to nursing school in the fall) and I am now looking for work again!

You grew up in Kenya, and four other countries. How did that come about?

My dad worked for the U.S. embassy in the State Department. He worked in the medical unit as the regional psychologist. I grew up in Australia, The United States, Kenya, Italy, and Panama, so I am considered a third culture kid - meaning I was raised outside of my parents’ culture as well as my culture of origin. I still have friends in Kenya but have not seen anyone from there since I lived in Nairobi at ages 11-13.

‘I dreamed of climbing Kilimanjaro even as an 11-year-old. It is such an Iconic and breathtaking mountain - I thought it was amazing that the mountain could have such a huge impact on the Kenyan land and not even be in the country! I could see it overlooking the landscape across the savanna and wonder what it would be like to reach the top. I never got the chance as money and circumstance didn't align for my family to ever do it.’

AWE: Growing up in countries across the globe may seem like an impossible dream to many. Was it?

Growing up my life seemed very normal and at times exciting. I did not realize how different my childhood was from most Americans until I moved to the U.S. as an adult and found it hard to fit in as well as to be understood, because of the misunderstandings people have about my life. I can find many similarities between myself and my peers from the United States. I grew up in small neighborhoods in the city and played outside with the neighborhood kids, I would walk or ride my bike to school and learn the same things (although often from a different perspective). I would live a daily life very similar I think to most people I know now. The difference was that I would go to the Nakumatt or El Rey to buy groceries instead of the Smiths, most of my friends spoke different languages than me, with vastly different life experiences, and I moved every 2-3 years. I am happy and quick to acknowledge the gifts I have been given in my life in my ability to experience many different cultures in the world.

AWE: In your Summit Scholarship application, you spoke about the challenges that came with moving from country to country as a kid. Can you tell us more about that?

I often feel scared or timid to talk about the difficulties because I have a fear of not being understood or accepted. I feel that this is an opportunity to express how I feel about the beautiful, wonderful, difficult, and painful life that I lived. When I applied to this scholarship I had decided to be genuine and heartfelt in my experience growing up and the mixed feelings I have struggled with ever since. After being awarded the scholarship I was scared to know that I would have to continue this, but I think that it will help me heal.

Moving every few years my whole life was hard. Some of my earliest memories are of the pain I felt knowing that I would never see my friends again in my life, and that I would most likely never return to my home. The magnitude of these feelings was too great for me to understand or process as a third grader. I had never felt heartbreak such as that, and I have felt it continually since. Looking back on my childhood I can see the ways I acted out or hurt myself because of this deep ocean of feelings.

‘Some of my earliest memories are of the pain I felt knowing that I would never see my friends again in my life, and that I would most likely never return to my home.’

When I moved to Kenya it was before I had started guarding myself to prevent further pain and I was totally open to the experiences and friendships I made there. Leaving Kenya, I was no longer a child and was finally able to understand what it really meant to never return somewhere and to never see your friends again. It hurt too much to realize this, and I guarded myself from caring too much (sometimes unsuccessfully) and too often successfully from friendships and love for the places I lived to avoid further pain. As an adult I have had to work really hard to catch myself when I fall into these habits and I often have to remind myself that I am in charge of my life and I get to decide where I live and what I do. It is difficult for me to be open to friends and loved ones and not to wall off.

AWE: Why did you choose to return to the US, and specifically Utah, after living in all these different places?

The reason I returned to the US is because I honestly didn’t know where else to go. I felt foreign when I first moved here, with my family across the world, and no real understanding of the culture other than what I saw on TV. I first lived in Virginia, but always dreamed of moving out west and living in the mountains. I have always been passionate about climbing and the mountains and moved here after receiving a job offer from the wilderness therapy company that I mentioned before. It was really healing to move out to Utah because I wanted to, and with freedom to decide for myself and have power over my destiny. I stayed in Utah because I found a community of support and a family with the people I met as a field guide.

AWE: Your fiancee also applied for the Summit Scholarship and gave your application a very sweet, wholehearted endorsement. (“If you are really looking for someone passionate and amazing who has something special to share with the world, pick Savannah Cuthbertson. I would be so happy to see her win something like this.”)  How did you two meet?

Nina is the most supportive and amazing person, she didn’t tell me until afterwards that she had written about me in her application. I feel lucky to call her a friend and a partner. We met working in the outdoors and we fell in love in the wilderness and she has always inspired me to pursue my dreams and passions of climbing and mountaineering, including getting excited with me about an application to climb Kilimanjaro when it felt like such a long shot to apply. Nina and I have been together for 3.5 years (4 years this fall). We are going to get married Fall of 2021!

Do you feel like you get treated differently in the outdoors or as an athlete because you are gay? 

I have experienced prejudice towards me and my partner in my life because we are a gay couple. It is hard to think about this being part of the outdoor industry because the wilderness is a place we go to feel free and safe. The company I worked for is where we met and has been a family for us throughout my time in Utah and I love it there. Sometimes it can be hard to reconcile someone making an ignorant comment to you at work and work being a place where you feel loved and safe overall. The reality is that people are prejudiced everywhere, including certain moments and people at my work which is a job in the outdoor industry. I have never felt like the outdoors was unavailable to me because I am gay, but I have felt treated badly at times by certain members of the outdoor community which makes me really not want to be outdoors with them. I have not had the same experience that many people have had because of their sexual identity with the outdoors or the outdoor industry. And I do see areas that we need to change and grow as an industry to prevent anyone from feeling unwelcomed.

AWE: You are an accomplished rock climber.  What got you into climbing?

My dad introduced me to rock climbing as a child. We weren’t usually able to climb where we lived, so climbing became a special treat for my family when we were in a place that we could! I always dreamed of living somewhere in the west of the United States where I could climb all the time, whenever my parents would ask me what I wanted to do when I grew up I would say, “I want to be a waitress in Moab Utah so I can climb!” I guess I didn’t realize that there were other jobs that would allow me to climb all the time, like being a climbing guide!

AWE: Which part of the expedition are you most looking forward to? And what are you most worried about? 

I am most excited to return to East Africa and experience the smells and feeling of the land. I am so excited to stand on top of Kilimanjaro and achieve one of the dreams that I had as a young girl in Nairobi. I am most nervous about the feelings that will come from returning somewhere that I never thought I could and maybe feeling some of the sadness that I felt when leaving. I think this will be good in the end even if it may be difficult in the beginning.

‘I have dreamed of returning to the landscape that had such an impact on my childhood, but often feel that those dreams will never be fulfilled as it is forbiddingly expensive to plan a trip there and I have had to focus on just getting by for the past few years.’

AWE: How are you planning to train for the climb? 

I am running a lot and biking, and plan to get up to some higher elevation to train for that!

AWE: How did your family react when you told them that you had won a scholarship to climb Kilimanjaro? 

I found out in the car with Nina before leaving the house and I immediately burst into tears. We ran back into the house and I told my sister Gloria and she also started crying, and we hugged and cried together. I don’t think either of us thought that this could be possible. I had been talking about the AWExpeditions application for a few months, and I think she was worried about how much I wanted it and about how sad I would be if I didn’t get it!

AWE: If you could give advice to your younger self, what would you say? 

I would tell her to open up about how she was struggling to her family and allow them to offer help to her and be an understanding ear. I only found out as an adult that my sister was struggling with moving as much as I was. I think that I would encourage my younger self that she didn’t have to do it alone and that she does have power over her circumstance and especially over who she becomes. I would tell her that putting up walls and trying to protect herself would only cause more pain in the long run, and letting people in would get her the help she needs.

AWE: What is the best place for people to find you if they want to follow along on your adventures?

My Instagram is @SavannahCuthbertson, and Nina’s Instagram is Exposure_Northern. She posts a lot more about our life and adventures than I do.