"When we stand on the top of a mountain, we should do it with everyone..."

“… not just the privileged few.”

These words sum up the spirit of Samantha (Sam) Moore, one of our 2020 Summit Scholarship recipients to climb Kilimanjaro. With her writing, Sam echoes what the Summit Scholarship is all about: it is about breaking down barriers, and supporting candidates with a powerful story who demonstrate a credible financial need in addition to alignment with AWE’s mission and values.

Here’s the thing: Sam is a white woman. She is from the UK. She is highly educated. And she is building a medical career as an anaesthetic and critical care doctor. By many observers’ snap judgment, Sam falls squarely into the ‘privileged’ bucket - precisely the type of woman whom the Summit Scholarship may not be intended for.

Look a bit closer, and you’ll discover the following: being a young doctor means doesn’t mean unlimited financial resources; it doesn’t mean an absence of barriers, nor does it symbolize a breezy life of privilege. What being a young doctor does signal is hard work, giving back, and a world of future opportunity - which is as aligned with AWE’s values as is breaking down gender stereotypes and opening up the high altitude realm to women from ALL walks of life.

With that: read on to get to know Sam a level beyond the superficial snap judgment.

Samantha Moore, 33, UK

AWE: You are a doctor. When did you make the decision to go into medicine?  

I had a round-about way of getting into medicine, because I had no idea that I wanted to be a doctor when I left school! While I was studying for my degree in English I worked as a nursing assistant part-time and in the holidays and spending time on the wards caring for others planted a tiny seed that would eventually lead to me filling out an application for medical school! 

After getting roundly rejected the first time around I finally got accepted to study graduate-entry medicine at King’s College London in 2009 and graduated four years later in the summer of 2013.

AWE: What has it been like working the COVID frontlines in 2020?  

The first thing to say is that I’m just incredibly, heart-burstingly proud to be part of a team that rose to meet every challenge that was thrown at them, for turning our 12 ventilated beds in ICU into 50, for wearing full PPE for hours on end, for teaching and training and caring and caring. That team is multidisciplinary, made up of nurses, healthcare assistants, doctors, physiotherapists, pharmacists, receptionists and so many more, people from across the world who come together to look after our patients. I am beyond grateful to be able to call them my colleagues. 

It has been physically demanding and emotionally exhausting. There will be a huge amount of moral injury that will likely go unrecognised amongst not only the staff, but the families of our patients who couldn’t be by the side of their loved ones.  

AWE: What ignited your love for the outdoors and for climbing mountains?  

Growing up in Yorkshire, I spent a lot of my childhood outside, running fell races, climbing and just generally roaming the hills. It wasn’t until I moved to London for university that I realised how much I relied on those outside spaces to maintain my mental and physical health. I started craving greenery in a way that I never knew was possible. 

 But after years in a city, I started to forget what it meant to be truly out in the wild and became more and more domesticated… It wasn’t until after I met my boyfriend and we started climbing and mountaineering together that I began to remember. Our first trip away was a camping trip to the Scottish Highlands in the depths of winter. We saw no other humans for days, but were treated to the most stunning landscapes, skipping mountain hares and silent night skies. I felt like my love of the mountains was rekindled on that trip and I wanted more!  

Since then I’ve been lucky enough to climb throughout the UK, as well as in the Alps and to work as an expedition medic on treks in the Southern Highlands of Tanzania. No matter how much time I get to spend in the mountains, on those bluebird days, miles from anywhere and anyone, it always feels incredibly special – like nature is letting me in on a secret. 

AWE: You are also an aspiring expedition medic.  Do you have a sense for what the gender breakdown in mountain medicine is between men and women?  

My final assessment group for the Diploma in Mountain Medicine was about 40% women and the faculty had a similar split. While there are certainly plenty of female medics that climb, we’re still underrepresented in the academic literature and at the top levels - in 2019 the International Committee for Alpine Rescue executive board was entirely male.  

I’ve been lucky enough to have been taught many of my mountaineering skills by some incredible female guides but I know that there are far fewer of them than their male counterparts. 

There is also a very noticeable lack of diversity, with vanishingly few BIPOC medics practicing in the mountains. It would be remiss of me not to mention it, because it’s stark. The mountain medicine community has a responsibility to recognise the history, within both medicine and mountaineering, that has led to this and to be an active part of change. When we stand on the top of a mountain, we should do it with everyone, not just the privileged few. 

AWE: Do you feel like you are getting treated differently - in school, as a doctor, in the mountains - because you are a woman? 

Yes and no. It’s a common experience amongst younger women in medicine to be mistaken for a nurse. This happens almost every time I have to visit a different department in the hospital. Amongst patients and hospital staff, even when wearing a badge that states my profession and introducing myself as an anaesthetic doctor, I am still assumed to be a nurse.  

‘In the mountains I think the bias is mine. Although I love climbing with my male friends, I often worry that I’m holding them back – I never see myself as being on the same level as them. When I’m out with a group of women it often feels more relaxed and more collaborative.’  

This is not to say that I think that nursing is somehow lesser, but recognising my role is important in the emergency situations I often attend – I've had to ask repeatedly for colleagues to allow me to pass to get to the airway of a patient because they haven’t recognised that I’m the anaesthetic doctor. 

I’ve had countless experiences where other doctors would speak directly to the male junior doctor standing next to me because they assumed them to be more senior. A female colleague of mine was recently dismissed as being of lesser importance because they work part-time to care for their children. 

Clearly there are still problems. Things are changing, but old-fashioned stereotypes still persist. 

In the mountains I think the bias is mine. Although I love climbing with my male friends, I often worry that I’m holding them back – I never see myself as being on the same level as them. When I’m out with a group of women it often feels more relaxed and more collaborative.  

AWE: This was the second year that you applied for the Summit Scholarship.  Last year you wrote about imposter syndrome.  What would make a young doctor, who seemingly has the world at her feet, feel like an imposter? 

There is a voice in my head that has always been there that tells me that I’m not good enough. It tells me that I’ve only achieved the things that I have through luck, the charity of others or the fact that I’m just good at hiding my incompetence. I only got that job because no-one else applied, it’s only a matter of time before people realise that I’m hopeless. 

As doctors we’re expected to be confident in our abilities, but I often found that I second guessed myself and worried constantly about my decision making. Some of the colleagues I spoke to about it were quick to dismiss it, but slowly I found others who experienced the same feelings. Eventually I found out that that voice had a name (imposter syndrome), and that it was pretty common, especially amongst women. 

I also learned about something called growth mindset which predominately affects people that get told that they are clever as kids. These kids are often smart, and find most things at school relatively easy so they achieve high grades without having to put in huge amounts of effort. Because of this, they start to develop an aversion to things they find difficult and believe that their level of ability is fixed.  

‘There is a voice in my head that has always been there that tells me that I’m not good enough. It tells me that I’ve only achieved the things that I have through luck, the charity of others or the fact that I’m just good at hiding my incompetence. I only got that job because no-one else applied, it’s only a matter of time before people realise that I’m hopeless.’

This definitely resonated with me – I walked away from all kinds of challenges because I wasn’t immediately good at them. This fed into my imposter syndrome, when I couldn’t do something straight away it was clear evidence that I just wasn’t good enough. Rather than practicing, learning and getting better, I would hide from these challenges. I was embarrassed by my failings rather than seeing them as opportunities for growth. 

So now I am trying to do better, to push my boundaries, to do things that I’m terrible at, to try hard, fail and then try again.  

AWE: Which part of the Kilimanjaro expedition are you most looking forward to?

The thing about mountains is, people expect you to get to the top, and they’re never that interested in the journey you take to get there. With climbing there’s this traditional narrative about conquering nature, succeeding against adversity and coming out on top.  

For me, the thrill of the expedition is in the story. The best bits are in the quiet, not-quite-light moments lived over cups of coffee, still half in a sleeping bag. The conversations that seem too big to be had indoors suddenly bursting into life and the way things get very simple when all you have to do each day is put one foot in front of the other. 

AWE: If you could give advice to your younger self, what would you say?   

Probably to worry less about what other people thought of me! And to persevere with the things you find hardest, but enjoy doing, rather than giving up because you’re embarrassed about your abilities. 

Sam’s 2020 scholarship was made possible by the generous support of Nite Ize.

See more of Sam’s journey on Instagram.